Don't you send me to vm
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
