i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
