it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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