So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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