it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He passed out mid-signature
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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