OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
