Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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