the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
