kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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