I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
from now on my penis is your penis
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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