the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
