found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
