honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
