Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
