Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
