Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
