my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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