just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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