I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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