I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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