When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
