I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
