I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
