Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
