I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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