So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
