"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
