youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
