he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
