so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
