Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
