Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
