it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
