there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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