I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
