apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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