my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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