The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
