the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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