He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
