Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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