I need to stop coming to work sober
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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