I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
