i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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