So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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