I wish I could teleport
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
