When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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