so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
