Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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