How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
