Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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