...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
