I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
