I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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