seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He passed out mid-signature
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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