If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
