So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
