it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
