How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
