Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
