Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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