I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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