You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
