i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sober January is a disaster.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
