Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
